“To live content with small means; to seek elegance rather than luxury, and refinement rather than fashion, to be worthy, not respectable and wealthy, not rich; to study hard, think quietly, talk gently act frankly; to bear all cheerfully, do all bravely, await occasions, hurry never. In other words, to let the spiritual, unbidden and unconscious, grow up through the common.”—Bruce Lee ( To Linda during courtship, his eventual wife. )
Awake here lying on my back with my hands on my belly feeling the twins rumble their body parts under the blanket of my tummy.
It’s a strangely beautiful feeling to know that there’s not one but 2 lives in me, both keeping each other company, keeping me company, awake & peeing almost every 30 minutes for the last 2 hours. Seriously, the urination is that frequent. If I kept a diary of how often I pee, I would have to keep filling the pages up in the back just as often as I refill the roll of toilet paper incessantly.
And that excruciating rib pain I’ve been feeling for quite some time? I get it now. My uterus is expanding all the way north, and the twins are taking advantage of their upgraded room size & expanded play area too because I can feel them moving there now, the newfound created space that hurts like hell at all hours of the day.
Who knows when this expansion process will tap out? Or if the pain will go away… Then again, even though it’s hurting me like hell, I’d much rather it be due to them growing, me growing, than not at all. I guess this is what motherhood is about… Putting up with the pain & the weight gain just to know that your babies are gaining too. We all win in pounds & inches.
I can’t wait to see them tomorrow on screen at our 27 weeks check-up. I hope they are both close to 2 lbs each now. They sure move their limbs like strong, muscular fighters in there.
“Tabsh is not one for easy chitchat. His bedside manner is efficient. His right hand traces the surface of her abdomen with a transducer, a wand-like device that emits high-frequency sound waves that project an image of her baby on the video monitor before him. With his left hand, he punches buttons and knobs, simultaneously stepping on a floor pedal, eyes narrowed on the monitor’s screen. Like a race-car driver, his body speaks of motion, swift and sure.”—
From an old L.A. Times article in 1989 about my Doctor, an article that is so succinct about his character, his expertise, and his passion for a healthy childbirth for both mom, baby & their future that it calms me down… Mainly because he is exactly the same 20 years later & his caliber known even more so.
Sometimes it is so hard not to worry. And sometimes it is the science of medical innovation that makes you worry when it’s supposed to make you not worry, when it is supposed to assure you that everything is possible.
I waver between loving that I have the best, most highly sought after OB/GYN of high-risk pregnancy physicians, a man the Times can wax poetic on an 8 page article on, to wondering if I should have just dealt with a Midwife like what my mother had when she gave birth to me, because even though I was luckily gifted such amazing modern healthcare, the drawback is that being in a privileged society of knowing too much, this can also harm you into worrying & planning too much, too.
Quite the opposite of how I began my pregnancy journey, wherein I knew nothing at all. And wanted nothing too. How did I go from having no expectations to having a lot of expectations unmet already? Mainly because it can’t be met yet. It’s like… I’ve been spoiled with all this information that I can’t help but want the best of everything for the twins. Literally, I Google search “what’s the best _____ for twins / newborn babies” on a daily basis, on multiple devices, with multiple tabs opened all at once. It is completely draining.
(And quite frankly, a great lesson on what sites are better optimized in SEO than others, too.)
My head hurts. And the various people messaging me “how are you feeling?” — they’re lucky I’m only using this one platform to vent everything out & shall spare them the Whatsapp, iMessage, Facebook Messenger, GMail, and SMS responses in full detail.
I’m doing just fine. Just Google my full detailed response here.